Darren Hayes candidly discusses his struggles with mental health on his new single Poison Blood.
The track, out June 6, is the third to be lifted from his forthcoming solo album – the former Savage Garden star’s first in over a decade, featuring the singles Let’s Try Being In Love and Do You Remember? – and may be his most personal yet.
“Poison Blood is a song about choosing to stay when everything else in your life is telling you to leave,” says Darren. “I have a family history of depression and suicide and I talk openly about my own diagnosis it in the hope that I might inspire someone who is struggling to seek help, as I have proudly done many times throughout my life.
“I describe my depression as a blessing, a gift and a curse all at once. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy and yet I’m aware I am a deeply sensitive person, and that my unique brain allows me to feel depths of emotions that many people don’t experience.
“So I have learned to use those moments to channel melodies and stories that I hope are so real and so relatable they might reach someone else who is in pain, like me, and remind them to stay, like I choose to, every single day.”
Darren opens up about his new music in the May 2022 edition of Retro Pop, admitting life as a pop star today is more enjoyable than it was back in the 1990s. .
“The gay experience really hit me and really touched me, because I finally understood that wow, I was 24, 25, 26, at the height of my fame, therefore I was most famous when I was still struggling with my self-identification,” he says.
“I had all this attention thrust at me when I didn’t know who the fuck I was. I had been married to a woman I was divorcing but in private. Most people didn’t even know I had been married to a woman and yet I was coming out and trying to express myself through my fashion, through all my Jean-Paul Gautier outfits, and painting my nails.
“I was so struggling with my sexuality and trying to find my place in a world before ‘Drag Race’, ‘Will & Grace’, Lil Nas X, Troye Sivan, or Will Young. Those people and pioneers didn’t really exist.”
The increase in representation and an increasingly diverse media landscape marks a welcome change from the climate in which Darren found early success, which he admits was “stifling”.
“My experience of being a pop star in the ‘90s was, ‘You’re fine as long as you’re not gay.’ You had all these boybands and teen heartthrobs but god forbid if you’re gay,” he explains. “It was incredibly suffocating and for me, as someone who was literally buried by a major label the minute I came out, it was incredibly stifling.”
The hitmaker adds: “There was a huge pressure back then to ‘out’ people and the misconception about me is that I was in the closet, but nothing could have been further from the truth. I was out, I tried to be so much more out because I thought, if I just came out, it would solve all my problems.
“It took me a long time to have self-love and get rid of the toxic shame in the internalised homophobia that a lot of gay men have to go through to come out on the other side and love themselves. I was very depressed and had suicidal thoughts during that period and, had social media been around that time, I don’t know if I’d be here. It was a really tough time for me. I did as well as I could, I’m proud of the fact that I lived an authentic life and throughout my music, even during the Savage Garden days, I was really desperately trying and asking for help in my songs.”
Now, however, things are different, and it’s a relief for the superstar to return to the stage in 2022 and feel liberated to present his authentic self.
“It’s much more vibrant and liberating to be an artist today… I never fell out of love with music, I think it was the industry actually,” he believes, adding, “I’m sure a 23-year-old will listen to my story and be surprised there was a time when you couldn’t be gay.”
Read the full interview in the May 2022 edition of Retro Pop, out now. Order yours or subscribe via our Online Store.
